long and complicated

Remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground, the worst thing you could get from boys were cooties, your worst enemies were your siblings, mom was the prettiest girl you knew, dad was the coolest guy you knew, the only drugs you knew were cough medicine, wearing skirts because you were a princess not a slut, the only thing that got broken were your toys. Life was so simple and easy, yet we couldn’t wait to grow up..

I was once but I’m long forgotten now. Yup that’s life.

(via gracemiao)

It hurts to have to reject you and pretend you dont exist but i know that i cant get myself into this/you again. i could but we all know how thats gonna come out so theres really no point. you have tried a few times to start talking to me agian but i pretty much expressed no interest or no reply whatsoever and it hurts every time.

So a few days ago i did NOT want to go to this dinner this with my moms frinds family who lives in socal because they have a daughter who’s the same age and grade as me and i hate meeting new people. so it was the standard awkward not talking to each other kind of thing. we both kinda hid behind out parnts so we dont have to socialize LOL but then the night went on and we started talking about school or whatever. still awkward tho. after dinner, we all went to santana row which was closed, but we went for the view and thats when we really started talking. first, this girl is a gamer omfg. she plays video games more than I do…SHE PLAYS LoL…Its so rare to even know of a person who plays video games in this area that i was hella surprised. second, she not only approves of weed/alcohol but she smokes every day(tooo much but better than “oh you smoke? sorry i dont want to be friends with you. youre disgusting”). also, shes chill enough to smoke weed and drink but not stupid enough to do acid or e. third, she gets straight A’s. damn. fourth, she was pretty cute too. LOL some other small things include that from my fair share of facebook/tumblr stalking, shes damn popular too. she has a droid 2 and NOT an iphone. all of these put together and wow. a girl like no other(in this area).(not the cliche meaning but the literal meaning). this person is probably as close to what i want but i dont know her well enough to judge that. it just gives me a peek of life outside of this lynbrook bubble. i guess you can consider this a big wake up call for me. i had lost all hope for society based on what ive seen from our schools people alone but i guess there really is a world outside of this one that i have never seen besides what i know from before 4th grade…anyways, this experience has helped me understand two things: there really are plenty of fish in the sea as long as i can break free from this fish tank(<—ohoho deep), and I am optimistic about leaving this area now and no longer afraid of the big change(culture shock, non lynbrook people shock).

disclaimer: you are not included in this lynbrook bubble if you can read this. you are an exception and there are a few more but yeah you guys are the few lynbrook people who i dont think is complete and utter bullshit.

1.really? you cant take 2-3 hours of your life and just enjoy it at the winter concert? fuck…

2.why the FUCK are you all so fuckign judgemental? let a man do what he wants in peace GODDAMN not only are you guys judgemental but you all have to go and have a huge violent reaction and attract more FUCKING attention.  do you think youre cool or something? cuz youre not.

3.is lynbrook so DAMN boring that even the smallest FUCKING rumor, like one that doesnt even MATTER spread like wildfire? i really think i need to throw a chair at a teacher or something so the whole school can go talk about it

all was well. until now. fuck.